'I welcomed my daughter through a surrogate - I never thought it would happen'

had dreamt of becoming a father, but as a gay man from France, he didn’t think it would ever be possible.

Now, Julien, 48, and his husband Pierre, 44, are living proof that families come in all shapes and sizes. The couple welcomed their daughter through and are set to expand their family with their second daughter on the way.

Although their surrogacy process was long and stressful, Julien wouldn't change it for the . He tells the , “It's a pleasure and a privilege to be a parent.”

Determined to keep the lines of communication open, the loving dads are making sure stay connected with their surrogate, acknowledging her vital role in their lives. Julien reflects, “There's nothing to hide - she changed our lives.”

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Starting surrogacy

Julien grew up in France but says it felt “very remote” as a gay man, and the thought of having his own children “was not really an option” at the time. It wasn’t until he moved to the UK in 2008 for work that the prospect of becoming a father became more of a possibility. This was heightened soon after Julien, who is the Managing Director and founder of Aevitium LTD, met his husband, Pierre, shortly after moving to London - although they didn’t start dating until 2011.

The couple, who have been married since 2018, explored various options for becoming parents, including adoption, co-parenting and surrogacy. At the end of the day, they decided that they would like to have a biological link to their child and, after some research, found that Canada provided the best option for them to proceed with surrogacy due to the “framework”. Julien says, “For me, it felt that the journey would be more secure in Canada and better supported as well.”

They began their surrogacy journey just before they tied the knot, as he says, they wanted to “enjoy life as a couple before starting a family”. The process saw them find a suitable surrogate through an agency in Canada, and they also found an egg donor. Both expectant fathers donated to create embryos, and the biological father was then chosen when the embryo was implanted.

“As we experienced, creating the embryos doesn’t always work the first time, so we had to do it twice. All of these things take time, and it took us a long time to be matched with a surrogate,” he shares.

“There are more families wanting to have children than there are surrogates available. In addition, Canada is very strict with their requirements to become a surrogate.”

Through their surrogacy agency, they were able to speak with potential surrogates. He shares, “We were concerned that they might not want to help a gay couple, but that was not the case at all. In fact, certain surrogates are very clearly there to help LGBT parents, and a lot of them had problems conceiving themselves, so want to give back and help.”

It took Julien and Pierre two and a half years to be matched with a surrogate, and a further six to nine months until their was confirmed in February 2021. During this time, it was still the height of which he says made it “an interesting time to do that journey.”

“It was a very environment for us to start with because of Covid, and the pregnancy was not completely smooth, so there was a bit of stress, and we were far away, so couldn't see what was going on. So all of that together, it was fairly stressful.”

Thankfully, they were still “very present” during the pregnancy, as they spoke with their surrogate most days with phone calls and checks.

Becoming parents

After a lengthy journey, antenatal classes with NCT (National Childbirth Trust) and lots of preparation along the way, the couple joyfully became parents in October 2021 as they welcomed their daughter.

Having built up a strong relationship with their surrogate, they were present during the birth in Canada. Julien shares, “We immediately interacted with our daughter, and I will always remember seeing that little thing, with doctors all around, I had that sense of protection. And just after the birth, we had the opportunity to do skin-to-skin, so we were immediately there.

“We spent so much time talking about it beforehand and then living through the pregnancy, but it's different when you have that little thing in front of you and you interact with her. It moved from nothing to everything in one go. It was very special and unique.”

The new parents and their daughter stayed in Canada for around a month while they underwent all the relevant paperwork before returning home to London. “We were home for , and as new parents, we were completely sleep-deprived, trying to find our bearings, but it was magical,” Julien shares.

At the time, Julien was in a different job and was able to take six months off for paternity leave. After this, he returned to work, and his husband took a further six months off to be at home with their daughter. He says, “It meant we spent a year completely together with our daughter, so we were together all the time. There was no question about this, it was exactly what was going to happen.”

Speaking about parenthood, he candidly shares, “A lot of it was as I expected, but I was surprised around the small things. The level of laundry that is required is just astronomical, and it's a silly thing, but that drove me absolutely bananas. And when she changed rhythm, she only slept for 45 minutes, so that was a nightmare for me. But those are small things in the big scheme of things. It’s a pleasure and a privilege to be a parent.

“It's so unique to be able to be part of her and to help a child grow up, being part of our life and being part of their life.”

Staying in touch

After welcoming their first child, who is now three and a half years old, the couple have stayed in close contact with their surrogate. He tells us, “Keeping the communication with our surrogate was really important to us.

“You rely on the person in front of you and trust her with the most important decision of your life. So it was extremely important for us that we could work as a partnership in that context, that we could fully trust her through the journey and that we could be there for her.”

He continues, “We do quite a lot of video calls and chat almost every day. There are photos of all of us when our daughter was born, and we have a book that explains the journey and everybody who was involved. I know this isn’t always the case for some, but it’s only been a positive journey for us.”

Julien, who is now an NCT Trustee, explains that their daughter also has contact with their surrogate. “Our daughter knows who she is, and she’s been talking to her. Sometimes, our daughter asks her to send videos to the surrogate, so we do that as well.

“There’s nothing to hide because whether we like it or not, we can’t have kids of our own, so there’s no point in making it what it’s not. We wanted her to understand where she's come from. It was important for me to be very transparent, and there is absolutely no stigma whatsoever associated with our journey."

He adds, “It was very important for our surrogate as well, and we stayed very close with each other so that relationship could remain - she changed our lives.”

Julien and Pierre are expanding their family and are lovingly expecting their second daughter in just two months through the same surrogate. “Our daughter is very excited about having a baby sister,” he shares. Before adding, “We are far more relaxed this time around.”

Their daughter does not know her biological donor from her dad's side, but Julien says, “We’ve left that up to her to decide whether she wants to know.”

Maxine Palmer, Head of Service Development at NCT (www.nct.org.uk/), shared: "Every parenting journey is deeply personal, and surrogacy is one of many meaningful routes to starting a family. But it also comes with its own unique challenges and can be a lengthy, complex and emotional process.

"A strong and trusting relationship between the surrogate and intended parents is essential – forming connection early on before conception can help everyone feel supported, respected and prepared throughout the journey.

"Many parents through surrogacy find real value in attending NCT Antenatal classes, which help them feel more connected, informed, and prepared ahead of their baby’s arrival.

"Antenatal classes build a deep understanding of pregnancy, labour, and birth - helping intended parents better understand and empathise with what their surrogate and baby may experience throughout the journey. This insight can strengthen the relationship with the surrogate and support more informed, compassionate conversations.

"Crucially, NCT Antenatal classes help intended parents prepare for the early days of life with a newborn. From feeding, sleep, and baby care to understanding how relationships may shift, this can help intended parents build confidence before their baby arrives.

"It also creates space for expectant parents to consider important practicalities, such as planning for parental leave. Surrogacy can involve complex legal and logistical steps, and understanding your entitlements - like maternity, paternity, or shared parental leave—helps ensure you're ready to care for and bond with your baby from day one.

"They also offer a valuable opportunity to connect with other expectant parents - creating a support network that can be a source of friendship, advice, and shared experience throughout the parenting journey."

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